MonicaSpeak

  My dear mom, I am inclined to express my emotion to you. Since I write it in English, you may not understand it. In fact, the reason is that I don' t plant to let you know. Perhaps one day I will tell you all the details, but now this hidden emotion just belongs to me, I suppose. 
 
   I brought a lot of trouble to you when I was in middle school. I admit my ignorant that may made you sad at that time. We had pointless quarrels, we hurt each other by malicious remarks. I knew the gap between us was widened by all the invisible misunderstandings, but it was beyond my power to change the situation. The endless cold wars made both of us feel tired. Sometimes we had momentary happiness. We chatted about trivial things, but never private feelings which seems to be a impenetrable zone between us. You knew those secrets though various channels. But you still held hope. So you forced your requirements on me, which aroused my hatred for you. As a result, a vicious circle came into being. I thought this may explain our estrangement. 
  
  I wondered why you didn’t try to understand me. If I was wrong on an issue, then what I need was correct indoctrination rather than strict censures. I emphasized repeatebly that your teaching method was wrong. But my words made no differeces. Since I couldn’ t change the current siruation, then I decided to change myself to adapt to the reality. I thought I succeeded.

  I think the Entrance Examiation didn’ t make you disappointed. But somehow I regret now. Had I been more diligent, my life would have been changed. I know it’s not too late, and you always have full confidence in me. Because I’ m your daughter, you have every reason to trust me. But you do not realize that your expectation has become my burden. I am afraid to make you upset, to make everyone upset for I know precisely about that feeling which is so suffocating.

   Now we maintain a peaceful relationship, which makes me happy. Mom, I can feel your deepest love, whenever and wherever. So I feel great indebted to you. You gave me life and tought me to be a human . That’s the most priceless point. Now I should take on the responsibility by myself. I know, this is what life is. In the long run, I will leave you and live with another person. But I want to tell you, you' ll always take up the most important part in my heart, till my death.

  And, I love you mom, with all my power.